We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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