His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
