So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
