He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
well you can't waste a boner
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
