She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
