For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
