READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i drank out of a bidet.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
