HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
