I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
