I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
