My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
