I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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