I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
