i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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