He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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