Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
