can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
