Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
