in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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