Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
