then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i permit you to call me
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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