You don't have asthma, your pregnant
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
