guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
