I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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