She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
either way he was missing a nipple.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
