we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
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