Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
