Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
