Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
