I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
