is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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