Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
