Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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