girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
