I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
