apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
