so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
