I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Drake has all the answers
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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