I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
