i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
