You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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