Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
