Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
