I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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