Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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