I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
