it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
