So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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