Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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