We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
This baby is an asshole
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
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