I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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