just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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