There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize