Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
