I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
