its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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