but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
