No awkward lesbian experiences without me
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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