i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
