If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
