Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I forgot how hot balto sounded
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
