If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
