Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
