i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
