don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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