I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
