I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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