Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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