Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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