yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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