It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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