I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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