I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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