You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
