When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
