My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Randomize