Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Someone stole a lamp last night.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
