Apparently you make a good broom.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I wish I only lived at night.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
