from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
