I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
