His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize