Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
