Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
