You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize