just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
