i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
