next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
