I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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