He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
