Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
