Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I want a musical about memes.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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