remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
