I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
