After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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