Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
