OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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