i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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