i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
