apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
